Random Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now. I want to create a new post in my blog but I don’t know how to start and what topic will I discuss. I want to share what’s happening in my life right now but hesitant that my reader might misinterpret me. Anyway, just read at your own risk.

· I’ve been missing Alvin so badly lately. After barely six months that I’ve been here, it’s the first time that I really feel that I want to go home because I want to be with him, I need to be with him… but I can’t. I have to wait for another year to go home. I still have to carry out my plan of bringing my parents here first. So I have no choice but to just focus my attention on other things to forget my yearning for Alvin
· The best things are happening to my life but still a part of me is missing. I am not sure what is it or if I know it I reckon I am still in denial to admit that there is really something missing in my life. And I still want to believe that I should appreciate everything I have to be contented.
· I’m very excited to spend my first Christmas away from home, in Italy. Boun Natale!
· I feel that there’s something in me why some people feel so comfortable with me but I think there is also something in me that annoys some people. I don’t know what is it for both but I want to know more about the latter.
· I miss a lot of things and people back home.
· I am still enjoying my independence but sometimes I feel that I am overwhelmed of it and afraid that I might do something that I can’t really handle independently.

This is it for now. I still have a lot of things running in my mind but I’ll set aside it for a moment and focus on a lot of deadlines that I have right now. Oh life!

Birthday Candles

You’ve read from my previous post what I felt before celebrating my birthday. I really felt that the world is in my shoulders that time. I didn’t really want to celebrate my birthday because I felt that I am going nowhere. I had an interview with a Partner from KPMG Ireland two days before Christmas and I felt that I sacked it because the interview lasted for just fifteen minutes. I’ve waited for two years just to have that opportunity and I am not sure if I did impress the partner to hire me. Worse, two weeks after my interview, I still haven’t heard anything from the Company.

But I had no choice, whatever I do, I cannot avoid my birthday. So, I celebrated it with my family. We ate dinner in one of our favorite restaurants. I pretend that everything was fine that time but if only they could read my mind, they would know that something was bothering me. Until, they told the waiter that it was my birthday and as a complement from the restaurant, the waiters sang happy birthday for me and gave me a small cake with a magic candle. When it was the time to blow the candle, I prayed a simple wish - “Lord, I want to be in Ireland..” As the magic candle kept burning even I continued blowing, I whispered repeatedly that only one wish I had on my silver birthday. “Lord, I want to be in Ireland.”

Just two days after my birthday, out of nowhere, an angel called me to check my yahoo mail. Surprisingly, there was an e-mail in my inbox with a subject, “Offer”. I opened it immediately and after I read it, I almost wanted to jump because of so much joy. KPMG Ireland offered me a job as an Audit Senior. The salary and relocation allowance was laid there. I was really euphoric. This is really a dream come true, an answered prayer, a wish granted. God is so good to me.

So now, it’s exactly one month before my 26th birthday. Of course, I don’t have the same feeling as last year. I am very excited to celebrate my birthday. I’ve been planning it since October (haha!). I am not afraid to add another candle on my cake because I’ve learned that birthday wishes do come true if you just believe in yourself and in God.

Pangarap na Bituin

Corny as it may sounds, but I really like this song. I feel inspired everytime i hear this song. Feeling ko kasi unti-unti ko ng nararating ang mga bituin! naks! ;-)


Saang sulok ng langit ko matatagpuan
Kapalarang 'di natitikman
Sa pangarap lang namasdan
Isang lingon sa langit at isang ngiting wagas
May talang kikislap, gabay patungo sa tamang landas

*Unti-unting mararating kalangitan at bituin
Unti-unting kinabukasan ko'y magniningning
Hawak ngayo'y tibay ng damdamin
Bukas naman sa aking paggising
Kapiling koy's pangarap na bituin

Ilang sulok ng lupa, may kubling nalulumbay?
Mga sanay sa isang kahig, isang tukang pamumuhayisang lingon sa langit, nais magbagong-buhay
Sa ating mga palad nakasalalay ang ating bukas

Bukas naman sa aking paggising
Kapiling ko'y pangarap na bituin

T.G.I.F.

I thank God:
· For giving me the greatest parents in the world. They are always there to support me in every moves and decisions that I make, who never ask anything in return for all they’ve done to me, who brought me the way that I am right now.
· For my loving, caring and sweet baby, who never hinders me to reach my dreams, who always takes care of me and makes my life easier, who’s always besides me in my good and tough times in the past decade.
· For my ‘adopted siblings’, especially to Ate Liezl who always believe in me eversince I was a child and who’s always there to support our family thru thick and thin.
· For my friends around the world who are always there to communicate with me, to keep us updated in each other’s lives and to check if I am alright.
· For my new found friends here who I share the same sentiments of being away with our loved ones but still maintain to be in high spirits because of each other’s friendship.
· For all the people who in some ways made a mark in my life.
· For always keeping my loved ones and me safe and healthy. Though I am away from them, just knowing that they are always safe gives me comfort.
· For all the experiences, good and bad, that taught me life’s lessons. I committed some mistakes in the past and had bad experiences but I did not regret anything because I know those are just lessons that gave spice and completed my life.
· For the wisdom and maturity.
· For the great opportunity to reach my dreams.
· For everything I have right now which He gave to me and for all my answered prayers.
Thank you very much. I could not ask for anything right now.

“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you wish for but the appreciation of what you have. “

Eve of my 25th Birthday

This was written almost a year ago and obviously this is not what i feel anymore. But I want to share this for people to know that birthday wishes do come true and God really listens to our prayers.

It’s almost 2:00 in the morning and yet I’m still wide awake. One part of my mind tells me to sleep while the other still wants to bother me with a lot of thoughts. In less than 24 hours I will be turning a year older. Absurd as it may sounds, but I really can’t accept that I will be 25 years old already. It’s not that I am afraid to grow old but with what’s happening around me – friends getting married, invitation to a child’s baptism or birthday party, send-off dinners to friends going abroad. It seems people my age should be like that… so where am I going right now?

I am not happy with what I had become right now. I made a big mistake in the past which I regret until now. I was being hasty with my decisions on entering a door without knowing what’s inside of it. I was blinded by the digits offered to me, not considering what will be the value of it in my journey.

I know I still have a lot of good people and things around me that I should thank for. I know a lot of people would want to trade places with me just to have parents like mine. And, I know a lot of girls want me to be out of their way just to be with my boyfriend. I know I am blessed... despite all my mistakes, God is always at my side that’s why even the hardest challenges that He gave me, I am still with Him because I know all that’s happening to me has a purpose.

I am tired… i want to shutdown the computer but my mind keeps on thinking and thinking and thinking… I will lie down, close my eyes and pray that hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, after all these reflections; it would be a happy birthday for me.

Cleaning other's mess

One of the downside of an auditor's job is cleaning someone’s mess. Not literally, of course. What I meant was finalizing a client that wasn’t started by you, clearing the review points of your manager for a file that you have no single idea what’s going on. Haay... But of course, do I have a choice? As what I’ve said, it’s part of my job. Just bear with me, I just can't resist not to whine.

Pinball

I brought home some work tonight but as usual didn’t feel like working at home. I’m always like this, bringing work at home but always end up nothing accomplished. Since I’m not in the mood for working, I just opt to play some games on my laptop. I played Text twist, hangaroo and pinball. But while playing Pinball, suddenly, I feel sad. I've realized I miss Alvin so much. When i am still in the Philippines, everytime I bring home my laptop, we always play Pinball. We’re like kids fighting for a game because we want to have higher scores than the other. But now, I’m here in my room… alone. I scored high for my first game of pinball but no one is cheering me. Sigh... =(

Whoa! What’s happening to me? It’s been five months since I’ve been here and it’s the very first time that I really miss Alvin. And it’s just because of Pinball. Absurd haha. Of course, I do miss him everyday but what i feel right now is different. I really want to be with him. I feel that i am not really complete without him. Haay! This isn’t good for me. I may just end up crying. Why i am being overly dramatic? Is this because of too much work stress lately, or is it due to my PMS or it can be because it’s our 114th monthsary but he’s not beside me to celebrate it. Oh well! This is life. Maybe it’s better if I just work and stop this drama and the Pinball, of course.

Change of Mind

Please bear with me, I'm a woman so i'ts just natural to have a change of mind in a split second. Yes, as you will notice, I decided to change my blog name after one post. I've realized 'Touching Lives' are such two strong words. I may not keep up with it. I reckon my new blog name is more appropriate with my current state. And for sure and i promise, for the next few posts, you will know why.

First...

This will be my very first post on this blog site. I have a blogsite on Friendster but I don't religiously post that much since I know a lot of my friends can read it. Oh! Wait! Isn't it the purpose of online blogging is to let other people read? And isn't it the title of my blog is Touching Lives because I want to be part of someone's life through my stories. Oh! I'm just starting but it shows that I have full of ironies haha. Seriously, i always want to have a blog. I want to write. I envy those people who can express themselves through their writings, through songs, through art. I am fond of self-expression. I have a lot of thoughts and experiences that I want to share and I hope in some way through this, I will able to be a part of my reader’s life, if there will be any. ;-)