Me

I've been walking around all day,
Thinking.
I think I have a problem,
I think, I think too much.

I am fragile.

I'm not perfect.

But I am free.

???

I am crazy. I am silly. It's so hard psycho-analysing one's self. I am not so myself lately. Or it might be, this is the real me - unleashed!

Another one...

I just received my regularization letter today! Finally! I was really worried for the past few days, baka kasi pauwiin na ko ng Pinas e haha! But again, as another birthday wish granted, I thank God for this.

Doves

In my recent trip to Italy, the one activity I enjoyed most was feeding the doves in Venice. There are a lot of doves all over the Piazza San Marco. You just have to buy one Euro worth of food and you can feed the doves and have your photo taken with them with a beautiful San Marco church as your background. It was a great experience, doing things and going to places I just watched from romance movies before.

But there is one thing I’ve realized about the doves. - They just come to me because they need me, because I have their food but after they ate all the corn that I have or after they had satisfied their hunger, they left me ... alone.

I reckon that’s one dove trait that some people have.

But still I wonder, was it because I have no food to feed them anymore that’s why they left or was it because I did something to send them away?

True Friend

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us,

we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I'm Getting Married!!

Yes! That's really true! I am getting married this December 2007! Believe it or not, I asked Alvin to marry me. Funny but it's really true.

Ewan ko ba kung anong pumasok sa isip ko... but, in fairness, since I asked him it seems the contradictions within me fade out. Maybe the reason why I am very sad lately is because I really miss him. A lot of occasions happened within the last few days and it is the first time that we celebrate it apart. I've been to one of the most romantic places in the world but his not with me. I do really miss him.

Ooooops! wait! Before you freak out and tell this blab to my mom (mahihimatay sigurado yun pag nalamang ikakasal na ang unica hija nya haha!), let me clear things first.... but not now.

I can't finish this blog. This is what I can have for now because of a handful of jobs that are in front of me.

Bitin ba? Pasensya... ;-)

Contradictions

My mind thinks that I am happy because the best things are happening in my life but my heart feels otherwise. Can anyone tell me how to get over this contradiction? I am so tired arguing with myself.

Random Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now. I want to create a new post in my blog but I don’t know how to start and what topic will I discuss. I want to share what’s happening in my life right now but hesitant that my reader might misinterpret me. Anyway, just read at your own risk.

· I’ve been missing Alvin so badly lately. After barely six months that I’ve been here, it’s the first time that I really feel that I want to go home because I want to be with him, I need to be with him… but I can’t. I have to wait for another year to go home. I still have to carry out my plan of bringing my parents here first. So I have no choice but to just focus my attention on other things to forget my yearning for Alvin
· The best things are happening to my life but still a part of me is missing. I am not sure what is it or if I know it I reckon I am still in denial to admit that there is really something missing in my life. And I still want to believe that I should appreciate everything I have to be contented.
· I’m very excited to spend my first Christmas away from home, in Italy. Boun Natale!
· I feel that there’s something in me why some people feel so comfortable with me but I think there is also something in me that annoys some people. I don’t know what is it for both but I want to know more about the latter.
· I miss a lot of things and people back home.
· I am still enjoying my independence but sometimes I feel that I am overwhelmed of it and afraid that I might do something that I can’t really handle independently.

This is it for now. I still have a lot of things running in my mind but I’ll set aside it for a moment and focus on a lot of deadlines that I have right now. Oh life!

Birthday Candles

You’ve read from my previous post what I felt before celebrating my birthday. I really felt that the world is in my shoulders that time. I didn’t really want to celebrate my birthday because I felt that I am going nowhere. I had an interview with a Partner from KPMG Ireland two days before Christmas and I felt that I sacked it because the interview lasted for just fifteen minutes. I’ve waited for two years just to have that opportunity and I am not sure if I did impress the partner to hire me. Worse, two weeks after my interview, I still haven’t heard anything from the Company.

But I had no choice, whatever I do, I cannot avoid my birthday. So, I celebrated it with my family. We ate dinner in one of our favorite restaurants. I pretend that everything was fine that time but if only they could read my mind, they would know that something was bothering me. Until, they told the waiter that it was my birthday and as a complement from the restaurant, the waiters sang happy birthday for me and gave me a small cake with a magic candle. When it was the time to blow the candle, I prayed a simple wish - “Lord, I want to be in Ireland..” As the magic candle kept burning even I continued blowing, I whispered repeatedly that only one wish I had on my silver birthday. “Lord, I want to be in Ireland.”

Just two days after my birthday, out of nowhere, an angel called me to check my yahoo mail. Surprisingly, there was an e-mail in my inbox with a subject, “Offer”. I opened it immediately and after I read it, I almost wanted to jump because of so much joy. KPMG Ireland offered me a job as an Audit Senior. The salary and relocation allowance was laid there. I was really euphoric. This is really a dream come true, an answered prayer, a wish granted. God is so good to me.

So now, it’s exactly one month before my 26th birthday. Of course, I don’t have the same feeling as last year. I am very excited to celebrate my birthday. I’ve been planning it since October (haha!). I am not afraid to add another candle on my cake because I’ve learned that birthday wishes do come true if you just believe in yourself and in God.

Pangarap na Bituin

Corny as it may sounds, but I really like this song. I feel inspired everytime i hear this song. Feeling ko kasi unti-unti ko ng nararating ang mga bituin! naks! ;-)


Saang sulok ng langit ko matatagpuan
Kapalarang 'di natitikman
Sa pangarap lang namasdan
Isang lingon sa langit at isang ngiting wagas
May talang kikislap, gabay patungo sa tamang landas

*Unti-unting mararating kalangitan at bituin
Unti-unting kinabukasan ko'y magniningning
Hawak ngayo'y tibay ng damdamin
Bukas naman sa aking paggising
Kapiling koy's pangarap na bituin

Ilang sulok ng lupa, may kubling nalulumbay?
Mga sanay sa isang kahig, isang tukang pamumuhayisang lingon sa langit, nais magbagong-buhay
Sa ating mga palad nakasalalay ang ating bukas

Bukas naman sa aking paggising
Kapiling ko'y pangarap na bituin