ramblings of a soon-to-be domesticated(?) goddess

i dont know what came into me today that when the clock stroke half five, i cleared my desk, packed my things, rode the kpmg bus and went home. i still have a lot of work to do, deadlines to meet but i feel so lazy and uninspired to finish my work. weird as it may sounds, but i just wanted to go home to cook authentic Filipino food, do my laundry and clean my room. gosh! i am starting to be domesticated.

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when i was cooking, i cant help but think how will my life be if he'll be here. i suddenly miss those times that i went home from work and he's just there waiting for me, welcoming me with warm hugs and kisses and the sumptuous dinner already served on the table. it was usually just a simple dish, mostly canned tuna or pork bbq or fried fish with his favorite fried rice then we ate it with our bare hands but i think i won't trade those dinner with the expensive steaks i had here. those are the best dinner for me because he cooked it for me and i was sharing it with him.

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even myself is wondering what's happening to me lately. i know it's a good thing but i don't know what triggers for me to be this in luuuvvv! there's no day that i didn't think of going home this november or december. almost every night i search for cheap flights so i can go home and be with him. sometimes, i think that this is all caused by the assault that happened to me. my head was hit hard and then it function normally. i told him what happened to me already and he said he wanted to find the girls when he comes here. not to have revenge but to thank them for making me come into my right senses.

here i am again...

it's sleeping time but i'm stuck on the internet looking for a cheap flight this december.
suddenly, i feel like i want to go home.

he was complaining to me that i neglected him the last time i went home. i was guilty of that. i was confused that time but now i want to make up for those lost times. i want to go home just for him, just to be with him.

before i get crazy again....

Longing

Damn! I miss you so much!
I want to be with you soon.
I want you to be here with me.
I want you that these words aren't enough to express how much I yearn for you.

sigh.. i better go to sleep before I lost my sanity.

Good night, baby! I just hope to see you in my dreams.

Ramblings of a Sleepyhead

I know it's office hours but I am sooo sleepy. I didn’t sleep well last night. It was too warm yet I'm still wrapped with my duvet because I feel unsecured/paranoid if I am just on my bed without any cover on my body. And also, I was dreaming of the Heroes season 1 episodes that I was watching before I went to sleep at 2am. I felt like I was one of them. Haha!
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I've heard a lot of good reviews about this Heroes series that's why I brought a pirated DVD copy from home (ssshhhh…). And yes, after six months it's only now that I'm watching it because it wont play in my computer before. Bad thing about pirated DVD copy! Anyway, so far it's an exciting and interesting series. Obviously the reason why I am still awake until 2am last night. :)
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I am looking forward for a lot of things in the next few months.

sleepless

i miss you here beside me...
i miss leaning in your arms...
i miss your soft and sweet kiss...
i miss your embrace...

i miss everything about you..

i miss being with you...

sigh... can't wait...

Child in Me

A lot of people thought that since I am an only child, I can do and have whatever I want. In short, a spoiled brat. False!

Yes, there are some perks for being an only child but having all the material things I wanted is not one of them. It's not that my parents deprived me but because they brought me up the right way i.e. just giving what I only need.

I remember my mom always say to me, "You can buy all you want if you're earning your own money."

Eleven

Indeed, it was a tough road to reach our 11th year. It was not only twice or thrice that we almost break up. But as always, and one of the reasons why we stay this long, we dont give up on each other. We dont give up on love.

Happy 11th Anniversary to us!

Wishing for a smooth sail this time.

i want to tell you what happened...
i want you to know what they did to me...
i want to cry on your shoulder to ease the pain....

but

i dont want you to worry...
i dont want to see or hear you cry...
ma, i dont want you to feel the pain...

your big girl is fine now, dont worry...

darkness

I used to believe that Dublin is the safest city from all the places that I've been but everything changed when the darkest night in my life happened.


It was around half one last Saturday night while I was walking home in my favorite 'emote lane' when the unexpected happened. Two girls threw a bottle of beer to me and tried to grab my bag. Honestly, the first thing I thought that time was, "Sh*t! My SLR is in my bag!" So i didnt give it. They knocked me down to my knees. I was expecting that they will keep on grabbing my bag but I think they were more engrossed in hitting my head with the bottle. I shouted for HELP and thank God someone came along so they stopped from hitting me and ran away.

I felt so relieved when they left. I thought, thank God they didnt get anything from me...but wait why did the man look shocked to see me and then i remembered I was hit on the head. When i touched my head, I saw a lot of blood in my hands. The beige coat that I borrowed from Lianne was full of blood. I told the man to bring me to the hospital so they called an ambulance. I called Lianne to tell what happened. She sounded like crying while I was talking to her then I realised, I am not crying. I didnt feel any pain. I just wanted the bleeding to stop and I was worried that they will shave my hair to stitch my head. Haha I am in a near death experience but all I can think is my vanity and my SLR! Thank God, after five minutes, the ambulance came and brought me to St. James Hospital and then here another torture started...

The ambulance arrived in the hospital at around 2am. I was expecting that a stretcher or wheelchair and nurses or doctors will welcome me just like what I see on Grey's Anatomy or in the hospitals in the Philippines. To my surprise, none of them was there. They asked me to go to the counter and gave me a paper for me to fill up with my personal information. It seemed normal for them to see someone covered with blood. Anyway, to cut the long story short, it was already 9am when a nurse practitioner checked on me, x-rayed me and stitched my wound. Imagine that I've been waiting to be cured, covered with blood, seating on an uncomfortable chair for the whole seven hours. It was more painful than the assault. I felt like I was being punished for being a victim here and that was the time i broke down and cried.

I asked, why did this happen to me? Why me? Why did they do that? A lot of why's. But as always, there's a reason for everything. There's a lesson in every experience. There is light after the darkness. I just hope this will help me be a stronger and better person.

A million thanks to Karen and Tin for being with me in the hospital for the whole seven hours or so. To Lianne, for being my nurse who wakes me every three hours to check if I'm still on my right mind. To all who showed concern. In this time that I am not with my family and I can't even tell this to them, it makes me feel better to know that there are people who will be with me on the darkest moment of my life.

...

I feel bad...down...depressed... stressed...

... yet i can't complain.

I don't want to say it's all my fault but I think i have to admit it now.

I've been too relaxed, too confident and now it's payback time.

....

....


I just wish and pray I can still be back on the game...