why oh why

why do i feel confused again?

why am i having all these doubts again? why now?

why everytime i plan to settle, something's happening. is this God's way of telling me, this is not the right thing?

God, im not good at interpreting signs. Please just tell me clearly what's the best thing for me.

Random things about me

1. Im loving cooking. It's currently my favorite past time. I cant say I'm a good cook but I'm enjoying it and I'm just happy that I can cook something edible.

2. I haven't met anyone my age that has a smaller forearm and fingers than mine.

3. My arms and my shoulders are my favorite parts of my body because those make me feel look skinny even I am really not.

4. I find men wearing colorful stripe scarves cute.

5. I am an internet addict. My day seems incomplete if I dont check the web.

6. I feel that I was an Irish in my previous life or I already lived in Ireland before. When I was younger, I used to have dreams about a place that I havent seen before. The first time I came here, I felt that that place is here and I never had that dream again when I came here.

7. My life is depicted in pictures. I have photo albums that are 3 foot high back home. My face is almost in every corner of our house (blame my mom!). I love taking pictures and of course having my pictures taken. Feeling photogenic. haha.

8. I have tendency to be obssessed. When I like something or someone, I will really really like it. During the time that I like Ryan Gosling, I signed up on DVD rental and rent all his movies, watched it more than once and screen captured most of his scenes. I even ordered online his old TV series.

Imagine what more I can do if it's a real man that i like in my life??? Hmmm....

I marry him. ;-)

the countdown continues...

it seems my blog was invaded for the past few days with the 'other me'...
she's soooo dramatic, duh!

it's time for a cool post! :)

as of today, 86 days to go and im going home! yey!

obviously, im sooo excited so as early as now im planning what i will do then.

1. get married (ehem!)
2. honeymoon (hmmm!)
3. spend time with alvin (aaaww!)

that's it! yes that's really it! contrary to my old long to do list, those are the things i want to do. i dont care about shopping, or my derma, or going to salon or meeting my friends when i go home.

i only want ALVIN, badly!

ironic

there are no tears coming out when i have all the reasons to cry.

im falling to pieces...

There are loads of what if's, if only's, what could have been's that I asked myself now.
I know I shouldn’t think of these. These just wreck my already twisted head.
There's no point crying on a spilled milk.
Everything happens for a reason.
I just wish that reason will come clear to me sooner.

exactly

Forget about the things you don't like about your life -- focus on the hopes and dreams you have for the future. The more you think about your problems or worries, the more power you are giving them over your life. So today, put a smile on your face and be confident about where you are headed. And if you can't feel confident, then just fake it until you do! If you can convince yourself of your value, then other people will be convinced of it, too.

wild horses

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
It's greener pastures I'm thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away

my day :)

the good thing of living away from home is having extra eight hours of your special day. my birthday started with a call from Alvin yesterday (Jan 6) at 4pm GMT which is 12am GMT+8 back home and from then on, my phones were bombarded with birthday greetings and calls from different parts of the world.

i was thinking to just treat this day as an ordinary day so i wont feel emotional being alone on my birthday but i realised no! it's only once a year that i have this special day so i wore my new fabulous office dress, made up myself and went to the office. only few in the office knew about my birthday so even they didnt greet me, at least, they complemented me and my fab dress. vanity! :)

most of my day was just spent answering birthday greetings, drafting my birthday invitations. i hope there's a job code for birthday.

of course, my birthday is not complete without going to church to thank for another year He gave me and for telling Him my birthday wishes.

it's great for my last birthday as a single woman. i will surely miss this kind of good times when i get tied up but surely i will have great memorable times as well when that time comes... more special as it's with special person in my life. :)

But my day doesnt end on this, im so excited for my karaoke party on Saturday!

Thanks for the momentous day!

another senti night...

this is the longest time that i was alone and the more i realised that i really dont want to be alone...

i dont want to be single anymore...

i want to go home to a place where i can see your smile
i want to see new places where we can explore together
i want to eat on a table with food you cooked
i want to watch a show that we can laugh together
i want to sleep on a bed where i can feel your hugs

i want to close my eyes and feel your tender lips...

i want you...

whys??

why there are things

.....that you want to do but you can't?

....that you still do but you shouldn't?

....that you want to say but can't?

.....that you have said but you shouldn't?

.....that you have to let go but you can't?

.....that you still miss but you shouldn't?

oh why?