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"Mahirap din pala pag nakukuha mo na ang lahat ng gusto mo, hindi mo na alam kung ano pang gusto mo..."

Valentines Scrooge

I always hate this day! I can't see the point why are we celebrating it. Do we need to have a day like this to remind our love for a person? If we really love someone, we can show it all year round. right? We don't need a mark on the calendar just to give someone flowers or chocolates or go on a luxurious romantic date. I think this day just makes the loveless people feel more unloved and those people with lovelife but didn't receive anything, disappointed. Wait! I feel i sound like the latter?!? haha

Actually, aside from the fact that I did have a bad memory of valentines day, I really feel the latter. I just feel disappointed every Valentines Day. But it's not really a big deal for me that Alvin is not a 'special occasion' boyfriend. He's an 'everyday' boyfriend. He might not shower me with gifts or surprises but he's been there almost everyday in my life for the past decade taking care of me. Oh! I miss the times that he cooks for me and prepare my lunch for work. I miss watching movies with him while leaning on his arm. I miss shopping with him and he valuing my opinion on fashion. I miss our 'kulitan' and 'lambingan'. I miss his kasungitan when i am careless with what I wear. I miss him doing my laundry while I am still snoring on a weekend morning. I miss those kisses before eating. I miss everything about him!

I guess at the end of the day, not only on this V-day, it all sums up to one reason why I sometimes feel an unexplainable sadness, admit it or not, I miss Alvin very much!

This blog supposedly should be about the author's madness about Valentines Day but we can't blame her! She's mad with Alvin. Madly in love! ;-P

Sssshhh...

"Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say"

- Samuel Johnson

F*ckin' mess!

i thought i was finished cleaning other people's mess. i just had the sign off for the previous client that was dumped on me but here i am again, continuing another crap, messy, sh*t files of the secondees that left. Grrrr!

i hate this! i f*ckin hate this!

jhona - breathe... one , two, three ... ten!

whew! well, at least i have this blog to whine... i have no choice but to do this job, right?

Sometimes...

Sometimes you have to experience a thing to fully understand it...

Sometimes you have to be on a person's shoes to feel what he feels...

Sometimes you have to fall alone to know how to stand by yourself...

Sometimes you have to commit a mistake to know what is right...

Sometimes I ask myself, how often is sometimes?

Grey Quotes

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.
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You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
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A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
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Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
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Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without.

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I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.