Feels like 16... again

ok ok im in the mood for a happy blog right now. thanks to youtube! :D

Eoghan Quigg!!!! He's sooo adorable! sooo cute! soo funny! soo talented! in short, sooooo irish! :D

He's always my favorite among the 12 finalists. So sad, he didnt win. But surely, he will have a career soon and maybe couple of years from now he will break a lot of women's heart. Watch out Zac Efron! Eoghan's hairstyle is much gorgeous than yours. lol.

Before, i was still thinking if i will name my first son, Seamus or Eoin. Now i decided it will be Eoghan! :D

Ok, back to my sleep now... ;p

cry baby

haay... i'm becoming a cry baby lately...

i cry just from listening to a song.

"oceans apart day after day, and i slowly go insane..."

i cry almost eveytime i chat with mama.

im crying just thinking of what happening right now....

sigh....i feel sad, lonely, scared, home sick, love sick.

fingers crossed

I never been so scared like this in my life.

I have a lot of plans and I'm not ready for this.

Lord God, I love this, please dont take it from me.

Please...

ebay newbie

i lost my first ebay auction. :(

i've been wanting that LV bag and been thinking how i will look with that bag for the past days and i lost it during the last minute of bidding. grrrr!

im an ebay newbie. soo frustrating.

hmmm why do i have to go through that torturing and frustrating last minutes of auction if i can just go to Brown Thomas and buy it personally? aaah... expect me in the store tomorrow. hmmp!

long longing....

why is it not that easy this time?

i survived a year and a half last time staying here, being away with him...
yet now it's only been a year but i'm already longing for him...

this is not easy... but i have to deal with it.
i have to wait for another few months...
i have to keep myself sane in this cold crazy time.

hugs

i just want a hug to warm the cold nights. nothing more, nothing less.
sigh. i should just go home instead this christmas. yeah, im still whining about this.

i wanna go home!!!!

pissed

it's FAE night and im here blogging...

after bulmers lite, chocolate martini, hazelnut white russian, coke with vodka and another bulmers...im pissed! but i can still remember all i drunk that means i was still good. :)

it was a great night. i would love to stay and spend more time with my officemates but i dont want to go home alone and too late.

seriously, it was fun especially now that i have more friends in the office other than the filipinos. and to be honest, im closer to my international friends now than my filipino friends in kpmg. well, other than my real girlfriends/sisters from EY. it's a different level of friendship with them.

anyway, hopefully i'll spend more time with them in our christmas party. can't wait for that! :)

good night! zzzzzzzz.....

i miss home... that's still what i can say.

i should just go home this xmas. i dont feel any excitement in my december tour. sigh.
i miss it more now that mama went home...

and another sigh...

**********************************

i want it now! finally, i decided i want it badly! and i'll do anything to have it. i just hope it's still there for me.

**********************************

good night! it's another busy day tomorrow and i'm looking forward for it.

i miss...

i miss holding hands.
i miss hugs and kisses.
i miss leaning on his shoulders while watching movie.
i miss the kiss before the first bite.
i miss everything.

aaaaaaaaahhhh! i want to go home to you!

all i want is to be with you... just you!

the mind game continues

i...
i can't...
i can't stop...
i can't stop thinking...

--------------------------------

i survived the past nine months...
i've been surviving...
i will survive for the next nine months...

fingers crossed!

-------------------------------

i've been to a place before where I enjoyed so much. It was like a dream holiday which you don't want to end. I liked the place that I still think of going back there.

But I can't because I know I can't stay there. It's just a place for holiday, it's not my home.

...and home is where my heart is.

------------------------------

sigh

my mind is so all over the place and have a lot of thoughts. i don't know where to start this blog. i don't know how to say it. i just want to pour out everything or at least some of this crappy thoughts before these explode.

but i have no time. and i dont have the energy. and the right words.

and im sleepy. so hopefully next time. i can say it all.

p.s.

i'm lost...

waaahhh!!! i want the script tickets!!!

I'm not moving

I'm currently loving the song especially this part:

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,

Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

sweet!

i'M Starting to Love the Band too!

One thing i proved today:

It's always be my baby! It is!

2 days to go! Yey!

Waaaaahhh!!! I can't concentrate! I want to go home!

I cant wait for 9 months! I miss Alvin very much! I want to be with him soon!

Crazy about Greece!

Greece is always on my list of top holiday destinations. I planned to go there this coming winter season but since Alvin told me that he wants his first Europe tour with me to be in Greece. Plans cancelled! I'm saving Greece for him! It will be a year of waiting for me though. But who cares? He's worth the wait.

Ngayon pa lang excited na ko mag-ala KC and Richard kami in Greece. haha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwM-21FxqCc

ramblings of a soon-to-be domesticated(?) goddess

i dont know what came into me today that when the clock stroke half five, i cleared my desk, packed my things, rode the kpmg bus and went home. i still have a lot of work to do, deadlines to meet but i feel so lazy and uninspired to finish my work. weird as it may sounds, but i just wanted to go home to cook authentic Filipino food, do my laundry and clean my room. gosh! i am starting to be domesticated.

---------------

when i was cooking, i cant help but think how will my life be if he'll be here. i suddenly miss those times that i went home from work and he's just there waiting for me, welcoming me with warm hugs and kisses and the sumptuous dinner already served on the table. it was usually just a simple dish, mostly canned tuna or pork bbq or fried fish with his favorite fried rice then we ate it with our bare hands but i think i won't trade those dinner with the expensive steaks i had here. those are the best dinner for me because he cooked it for me and i was sharing it with him.

--------------

even myself is wondering what's happening to me lately. i know it's a good thing but i don't know what triggers for me to be this in luuuvvv! there's no day that i didn't think of going home this november or december. almost every night i search for cheap flights so i can go home and be with him. sometimes, i think that this is all caused by the assault that happened to me. my head was hit hard and then it function normally. i told him what happened to me already and he said he wanted to find the girls when he comes here. not to have revenge but to thank them for making me come into my right senses.

here i am again...

it's sleeping time but i'm stuck on the internet looking for a cheap flight this december.
suddenly, i feel like i want to go home.

he was complaining to me that i neglected him the last time i went home. i was guilty of that. i was confused that time but now i want to make up for those lost times. i want to go home just for him, just to be with him.

before i get crazy again....

Longing

Damn! I miss you so much!
I want to be with you soon.
I want you to be here with me.
I want you that these words aren't enough to express how much I yearn for you.

sigh.. i better go to sleep before I lost my sanity.

Good night, baby! I just hope to see you in my dreams.

Ramblings of a Sleepyhead

I know it's office hours but I am sooo sleepy. I didn’t sleep well last night. It was too warm yet I'm still wrapped with my duvet because I feel unsecured/paranoid if I am just on my bed without any cover on my body. And also, I was dreaming of the Heroes season 1 episodes that I was watching before I went to sleep at 2am. I felt like I was one of them. Haha!
---------------------------------------------------
I've heard a lot of good reviews about this Heroes series that's why I brought a pirated DVD copy from home (ssshhhh…). And yes, after six months it's only now that I'm watching it because it wont play in my computer before. Bad thing about pirated DVD copy! Anyway, so far it's an exciting and interesting series. Obviously the reason why I am still awake until 2am last night. :)
--------------------------------------------------
I am looking forward for a lot of things in the next few months.

sleepless

i miss you here beside me...
i miss leaning in your arms...
i miss your soft and sweet kiss...
i miss your embrace...

i miss everything about you..

i miss being with you...

sigh... can't wait...

Child in Me

A lot of people thought that since I am an only child, I can do and have whatever I want. In short, a spoiled brat. False!

Yes, there are some perks for being an only child but having all the material things I wanted is not one of them. It's not that my parents deprived me but because they brought me up the right way i.e. just giving what I only need.

I remember my mom always say to me, "You can buy all you want if you're earning your own money."

Eleven

Indeed, it was a tough road to reach our 11th year. It was not only twice or thrice that we almost break up. But as always, and one of the reasons why we stay this long, we dont give up on each other. We dont give up on love.

Happy 11th Anniversary to us!

Wishing for a smooth sail this time.

i want to tell you what happened...
i want you to know what they did to me...
i want to cry on your shoulder to ease the pain....

but

i dont want you to worry...
i dont want to see or hear you cry...
ma, i dont want you to feel the pain...

your big girl is fine now, dont worry...

darkness

I used to believe that Dublin is the safest city from all the places that I've been but everything changed when the darkest night in my life happened.


It was around half one last Saturday night while I was walking home in my favorite 'emote lane' when the unexpected happened. Two girls threw a bottle of beer to me and tried to grab my bag. Honestly, the first thing I thought that time was, "Sh*t! My SLR is in my bag!" So i didnt give it. They knocked me down to my knees. I was expecting that they will keep on grabbing my bag but I think they were more engrossed in hitting my head with the bottle. I shouted for HELP and thank God someone came along so they stopped from hitting me and ran away.

I felt so relieved when they left. I thought, thank God they didnt get anything from me...but wait why did the man look shocked to see me and then i remembered I was hit on the head. When i touched my head, I saw a lot of blood in my hands. The beige coat that I borrowed from Lianne was full of blood. I told the man to bring me to the hospital so they called an ambulance. I called Lianne to tell what happened. She sounded like crying while I was talking to her then I realised, I am not crying. I didnt feel any pain. I just wanted the bleeding to stop and I was worried that they will shave my hair to stitch my head. Haha I am in a near death experience but all I can think is my vanity and my SLR! Thank God, after five minutes, the ambulance came and brought me to St. James Hospital and then here another torture started...

The ambulance arrived in the hospital at around 2am. I was expecting that a stretcher or wheelchair and nurses or doctors will welcome me just like what I see on Grey's Anatomy or in the hospitals in the Philippines. To my surprise, none of them was there. They asked me to go to the counter and gave me a paper for me to fill up with my personal information. It seemed normal for them to see someone covered with blood. Anyway, to cut the long story short, it was already 9am when a nurse practitioner checked on me, x-rayed me and stitched my wound. Imagine that I've been waiting to be cured, covered with blood, seating on an uncomfortable chair for the whole seven hours. It was more painful than the assault. I felt like I was being punished for being a victim here and that was the time i broke down and cried.

I asked, why did this happen to me? Why me? Why did they do that? A lot of why's. But as always, there's a reason for everything. There's a lesson in every experience. There is light after the darkness. I just hope this will help me be a stronger and better person.

A million thanks to Karen and Tin for being with me in the hospital for the whole seven hours or so. To Lianne, for being my nurse who wakes me every three hours to check if I'm still on my right mind. To all who showed concern. In this time that I am not with my family and I can't even tell this to them, it makes me feel better to know that there are people who will be with me on the darkest moment of my life.

...

I feel bad...down...depressed... stressed...

... yet i can't complain.

I don't want to say it's all my fault but I think i have to admit it now.

I've been too relaxed, too confident and now it's payback time.

....

....


I just wish and pray I can still be back on the game...

Mahal ko na ata si David Cook....

(Im fallin in love with David Cook...)

Aaaaaaww.... i just love his version of Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey...

I've been listening to the song over and over and over and over for the past couple of days. If only David can complain, he will tell me to give him a rest. haha.

Haay sobrang kakainlove! I can relate pa sa lyrics.. Feeling ko my baby is singing the song for me...especially this part...

i ain't gonna cry no
and i won't beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave girl
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no
you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

Monalisa Smile

A friend was checking my friendster page and told me how she loves my shot here...how she noticed the spark in my eyes and the bloom in my smile...

And so I wonder, after all the make over and the magic of my new SLR camera, what makes this picture of me so special than my other current picture? What's behind that smile?

What makes me smile that time???

Oh so mysterious as Monalisa's smile...

Always be my baby

it's me again for the second time tonight...

i still can't sleep...

i miss him so much. i badly want to be with him. daily phone calls and text messages are not enough. i want to see his face everytime i go home from work. eat the dinner he cooked for me. kulitan and lambingan until we fall asleep. i so really miss those times when life is really simple that we are just happy spending time together, doing nothing, just being together.

yet, he let me go away. we, especially him, sacrificed those good times because he always know this is what i want. this is what i've been praying for. i didnt hear a single word from him hindering my dreams. he just said, he'll be right there waiting for me...

haay... i know i can't complain... this was my choice...as he always say to me - this is my dream.

But i didnt realise this will be this difficult.... even more difficult than the first time i came here because i was too damn took him for granted the last time i went home.... and now i feel so crazy missing him... insane to go home for him...

just for him...

restless...

i am not that busy at work... nor pressured... but i feel so restless...

my original plan was to go home next year but i feel like i cant wait that long...

i want to go home!!! i want to be with him again... this time spend more time with him.

i do miss him so much!

haay....

lazy girl

haay... im so lazy today... i didnt do anything but sleep and check the internet. well, blame it to the magnificent weather of Ireland. I just wanted to stay under the duvet for the whole day rather than brazing the coldness outside.



Anyway, i think it's time to update this blog with what's happening in my life right now:



I MUST say, i am very happy now. everything's back to normal. In Irish slang, it's GRAND. :)

• Work is still very busy but manageable. i have six clients right now... just six... ang konti no? haha. but im not complaining. im happy with what im doing. my managers are all very nice and patient to me. and im thankful that im not experiencing the hardships and pressure that the other filipino auditors are experiencing. im just glad, im in KPMG! Proud to be in KPMG! :)


• I'm so grateful to have the like of friends I have right now. We all keep each other's sanity. Im always looking forward for weekends to be with them. Just trying and pigging out new restaurants, watching movies, malling, bowling, taking pictures, travelling and other sin-free activities that we love to do together. As they say, birds of the same feathers, enjoy together! :).

Memory Lane

"Remember the place not because of its beauty but the memories beneath it. "

Thanks for all the memories.

Falling Slowly...

This is my current favorite song...been listening to this over and over. I've been wanting to know the song's title for almost a month so I can download it. Finally, this morning, after googling any lines i can understand the song. Gotcha!


I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Sure Love for Real

I never felt this way before...

There's no moment that i'm not thinking of you...

I'm so distracted...

God! I can't wait to have you... to hold you in my arms...to have fun with you!

We'll share a lot of precious memories together.

Surely, I will Love you... for Real. ;-)

Reasons

People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled,their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.


----------------------

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason.Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again...

i cant sleep. my body is tired, my eyes want to shut but my mind is still wide awake.

as always, im still thinking about things.

down

im tired...i failed... i screwed...

i need a miracle...

i hope i can still retrieve myself after all of these.

Frozen

I hope spring comes faster, i am starting to hate Ireland because of winter. It's not friendly for sick people like me who still need to work late.

---

After gallons of cranberry juice, all-day sleep and antibiotics, I am starting to recover from my sickness. I can't say i'm in great shape now but I'm feeling better.

---

I'm sooo excited for our Paris tour. Not only because of the place but the company. I'm looking forward for our formal night in Moulin Rouge. Haaay... 17 days to go! =)

---

I miss home... I miss my mom... I miss my baby... so much!

sick in the city

i am sick, physically sick.

i've been staying in my bed and entertaining myself with 'sex and the city' dvd since yesterday.

thanks to my 'miranda, samantha, charlotte and carrie' for bringing chinese food for me last night.


in this kind of situation that you are sick, alone and miles away from your family, i just want to be thankful for having true friends on my side.

Well, i am still hoping to get better until tomorrow. I can't afford to be sick in this time of the year i.e. the busy season.

Busy season

so many words to say...

too many thoughts (and emotions) to express...

so little time...

Lesson to Learn

One thing is clear to me.

You can't know everything you'd like to know.

You can't do everything you'd like to do.

You can't read everything you'd like to read.

You can't have everything you want.

You must hold onto some things and let go of others.

Learning to make that choice is one of the big lessons of this life.

Ramblings of a Lunatic

I have 1o1 things to do but here i am wasting my time, blogging for a site that has no reader.

A friend once told me, the good side of living abroad independently is you'll able to know your true self. Now im wondering, is this the real me? A confused, indecisive, carefree and lunatic woman? Is this what Ireland did to me after almost two years? Sigh, i dont wanna know the answer.

It's really bad to be alone with just my thoughts and with my other personalities. By the way, I am a self-confessed schizophrenic. I always feel there are multiple personalities within me. They usually argue with each other.

I wish that my mind is just busy with hedges, derivatives and IFRS so i will not think of senseless thoughts anymore. Oooooppss! Be careful of what you wish for! Erase! Erase!

That's it for now... Boring Friday! :)

P.S. I Love You

On a country road in Ireland over ten years ago, it was love at first sight for Holly, a lost young tourist (Hilary Swank), and Gerry, a charming local lad (Gerard Butler). Hollys formidable mother, (Kathy Bates), disapproved of the couple, concerned that her spirited daughter was too young for marriage. In the years since, the once fearless Holly has become unsure of her own identity. When Gerry dies with a brain tumor and leaves Holly a widow just shy of her thirtieth birthday, her family and best friends (Lisa Kudrow, Gina Gershon) are concerned that she will never emerge from her takeout container-strewn Manhattan apartment. After weeks holed up watching old movies, a birthday cake and tape recording message from Gerry mysteriously arrives, marking the beginning of a series of letters instructing her to perform unusual requests. With the help of her girlfriends, Holly begins a year of wild adventures and a life journey that Gerry has planned for her, helping her to discover who she is without him and reminding her - p.s. I Love You. (http://www.imdb.com/)

I've watched the movie PS I Love You last Sunday and I would say it's the best romance movie for me, next to 'The Notebook', of course!

I liked it because it was partly shot in Ireland and it showed how sweet and talented the Irish people are. :)