Sometimes...

Sometimes you have to experience a thing to fully understand it...

Sometimes you have to be on a person's shoes to feel what he feels...

Sometimes you have to fall alone to know how to stand by yourself...

Sometimes you have to commit a mistake to know what is right...

Sometimes I ask myself, how often is sometimes?

Grey Quotes

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.
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You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
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A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
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Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
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Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without.

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I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Always Be My Baby

It's our 116th monthsary! Also the 7th monthsary that we are not physically together. We've been through a lot of bad and good times for almost a decade that we've been a couple. So i am crossing my fingers that we can also surpass this trial of being away from each other.

I miss you very much, my baby! I still and will always love you! Happy monthsary!

Me

I've been walking around all day,
Thinking.
I think I have a problem,
I think, I think too much.

I am fragile.

I'm not perfect.

But I am free.

???

I am crazy. I am silly. It's so hard psycho-analysing one's self. I am not so myself lately. Or it might be, this is the real me - unleashed!

Another one...

I just received my regularization letter today! Finally! I was really worried for the past few days, baka kasi pauwiin na ko ng Pinas e haha! But again, as another birthday wish granted, I thank God for this.

Doves

In my recent trip to Italy, the one activity I enjoyed most was feeding the doves in Venice. There are a lot of doves all over the Piazza San Marco. You just have to buy one Euro worth of food and you can feed the doves and have your photo taken with them with a beautiful San Marco church as your background. It was a great experience, doing things and going to places I just watched from romance movies before.

But there is one thing I’ve realized about the doves. - They just come to me because they need me, because I have their food but after they ate all the corn that I have or after they had satisfied their hunger, they left me ... alone.

I reckon that’s one dove trait that some people have.

But still I wonder, was it because I have no food to feed them anymore that’s why they left or was it because I did something to send them away?

True Friend

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us,

we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I'm Getting Married!!

Yes! That's really true! I am getting married this December 2007! Believe it or not, I asked Alvin to marry me. Funny but it's really true.

Ewan ko ba kung anong pumasok sa isip ko... but, in fairness, since I asked him it seems the contradictions within me fade out. Maybe the reason why I am very sad lately is because I really miss him. A lot of occasions happened within the last few days and it is the first time that we celebrate it apart. I've been to one of the most romantic places in the world but his not with me. I do really miss him.

Ooooops! wait! Before you freak out and tell this blab to my mom (mahihimatay sigurado yun pag nalamang ikakasal na ang unica hija nya haha!), let me clear things first.... but not now.

I can't finish this blog. This is what I can have for now because of a handful of jobs that are in front of me.

Bitin ba? Pasensya... ;-)

Contradictions

My mind thinks that I am happy because the best things are happening in my life but my heart feels otherwise. Can anyone tell me how to get over this contradiction? I am so tired arguing with myself.